The Bashphorisms

Bashphorisms are aphorisms for the IRC channel #bash on Freenode. Keep in mind that this version is a snapshot, the bashphorisms are changed here and there. Also, another snapshot.

I think greycat was the first one who had the idea, but I'm not sure.

Our bashphorisms can be queried from greybot using !bN, where N is the bashphorism number.

And yes, these bashphorisms reflect the daily reality in #bash.

Number Bashphorism
0 The questioner will never tell you what they are really doing the first time they ask.
1 The questioner's first description of the problem/question will be misleading.
2 The questioner will keep changing the question until it drives the helpers in the channel insane.
3 Offtopicness will continue until someone asks a bash question that falls under bashphorisms 1 and/or 2, and greycat gets pissed off.
4 The questioner will not read and apply the answers he is given but will instead continue to practice bashphorism #1 and bashphorism #2.
5 The ignorant will continually mis-educate the other noobies.
6 When given a choice of solutions, the newbie will always choose the wrong one.
7 The newbie will always find a reason to say, "It doesn't work."
8 If you don't know to whom the bashphorism's referring, it's you.
9 All examples given by the questioner will be broken, misleading, wrong, and not representative of the actual question.
10 See B1
11 Please apply (( % 10 )) to the bashphorism value.
12 All logic is deniable; however, some logic will *plonk* you if you deny it.
13 Everyone ignores greycat when he is right. When he is wrong, it is !b1
14 The newbie doesn't actually know what he's asking. If he did, he wouldn't need to ask.
15 The more advanced you are, the more likely you are to be overcomplicating it.
16 The more beginner you are, the more likely you are to be overcomplicating it.
17 A newbie comes to #bash to get his script confirmed. He leaves disappointed.
18 The newbie will not accept the answer you give, no matter how right it is.
19 The newbie is a bloody loon.
20 The newbie will always have some excuse for doing it wrong.
21 When the newbie's question is ambiguous, the proper interpretation will be whichever one makes the problem the hardest to solve.
22 The newcomer will abuse the bot's factoid triggers for their own entertainment until someone gets annoyed enough to ask them to message it privately instead.
23 Everyone is a newcomer.
24 The newcomer will address greybot as if it were human.
25 The newbie won't accept any answer that uses practical or standard tools.
26 The newbie will not TELL you about this restriction until you have wasted half an hour.
27 The newbie will lie.
28 When the full horror of the newbie's true goal is revealed, the newbie will try to restate the goal to trick you into answering. Newbies are stupid.
29 It's always git. Or python virtualenv. Or docker. One of those pieces of shit. ALWAYS.
30 They won't show you the homework assignment. That would make it too easy.
31 Your teacher is a fucking idiot.
32 The more horrifyingly wrong a proposed solution is, the more likely it will be used.
33 The newbie cannot explain what he is doing, or why. He will show you incomprehensible, nonworking code instead. What? You can't read his mind?!

Please feel free to correct or extend this page whenever needed.


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